J

You've been sitting on my table, waiting for me for hours but everything about you leaves me thinking about Dr.J. I try my best not to be coward, not to be a jerk... but I think I will fail tonight. You will just have to wait in vain.

Her crudeness. Her insensitivity. Her dressing!!

I thought my hate for her was long forgotten in August but it was so easy for me to slip back into this state again. It's not just the mornings she screws over. It's the whole week! I only see her twice in 7 days but don't underestimate the kraken! In 3 hours she can deepen the blues on Mondays and kill the early birds on Thursdays, leaving nothing but worms squirming in your fragile little heart

Mr.David says sometimes it's quite difficult to become a lecturer because at some situations you just don't know whether you should be the good guy or the bad guy. And I realise that that's quite true. If someone fails your paper, you wanna be strict with them. You wanna make sure that they don't repeat that dumb mistake again. On the other hand, you don't wanna crush their confidence until they start talking to themselves in the dark. So what draws the line between being the ugly picture kids use their shoes to smack >( and the picture students point to and say that's "the one with the attitude"? *toughlove*

I remember once during communication class, Ms.Anne was listing out the type of listening techniques one can apply during a conversation and one of them was called biased listening. Biased listening happens when one has already made up their mind on something and therefore whatever you try to tell them, no matter what conversation methods you use, they will somehow interpret things to their own understanding. So, let's say I'm a biased listener and I believe Dr.J is born to hate me, it doesn't matter what she advises me on or how she does it for that matter... all I'll hear is "♪ whatever you do, I'm going to fail you ♪".

When that memory came into mind, I thought omggggggg did I just made all that up in my head. Was I being so judgmental?? O_O So the next day I came to class with an open mind. A clear head! And yeap...... nope.. she's just plain crude.

I don't know how many degrees ah yii rolled her eyes today when Dr.J refuse to let us copy the tutorials because she believes that when you enter her class you should be accustomed to copying fast and understanding quick SO she WON'T be uploading the answers on e-learn.

Everyone has been so angry at her lately. At one point, Sin Ying said that Dr.J was trending on Twitter! And you know you can only get a subject trending if you talk about something comprehensive enough. I just don't understand why would she want to be like that. I mean there is 6000 possible ways you can get someone to like you. Not like "like you love you" but like you enough to respect you. The fact she can withstand all those vicious stares in class, if the eyes are paying attention at all, takes honestly a lot of skill weih. Imagine the amount of hate >< I don't think I would be able to breath. And I always believe work is always better because of the people.. so yeah.. I'll fucking quit if I'm where she is right now.. that or give myself a 180˚ personality make-over.

For now, I'm playing the imagination game with Dr.J. The one thing I realised in class is that I'm really no good at multi-tasking. If I'm busy being pissed, I'll fail miserably to concentrate at the subject being delivered. Plus, at the speed she is going, any multi-tasker would already be facing top-notch difficulty. So I have developed this imagination game which can successfully transform hatred into sympathy (with enough focus). Apparently, sympathy is wayyyyyy wayy wayyyyy less distracting than anger. Believe you me!

Just picture yourself in her position. Think if you actually wanted to be nice but just didn't know how. You try to make a joke but it just turns into a sarcastic remark. You want to gain the students' respect so you repeatedly remind them of your experience in teaching for 10 years. Unintentionally they take it as arrogance but it's merely insecurity. Everything is just an accident. An unnurtured skill gone wrong. A second chance denied of.

Maybe it's time we play this game. If not for her, for you. A second change we never gave.